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1018 OCTOBER
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embracing
failure
how mistakes boost motivation and learning by malia jacobson f all light streamed through my minivan windshield as i approached the carpool line, eager to hear about my first-grader?s day
. but when she climbed into her booster seat, clambering past her two younger siblings in their carseats, her small face trembled with accusatory rage. ?i didn?t get to check out a book at the school library
,? she said. why? ?because you forgot to put my last book in my backpack before school this morning.? i sat quietly, feeling a momentary swell of parental shame. that?s right?it was library day. i let out a breath. ?i?m sorry, honey. that must have been hard. but remembering to return a library book is your responsibility.? predictably, she didn?t agree, but i held my ground. with a new baby in the family, i simply couldn?t stay on top of her school library checkouts. so she had to, and over time, she did. with the help of a designated spot for library books in her room and handwritten reminder notes of library day, she remembered to put last week?s book into her backpack on the day it was due, her face beaming with hard-earned pride. while i felt guilty (shouldn?t i find time for it all?), i unwittingly gave my child a gift. it?s a gift that?s gaining ground as a highly valued learning tool, and one you can?t find in stores: the gift of failure. what failure fosters new research shows that childhood failures pave the way for a successful adulthood (if only i?d known this on library day). simply put, failure teaches kids about perseverance, creativity, resilience, and motivation in ways that nothing else can, according to jessica lahey, new york times bestselling author of the gift of failure: how the best parents learn to let go so their children can succeed . angela duckworth, the university of pennsylvania researcher who coined the term ?grit,? says that kids who aren?t allowed to fail won?t develop perseverance (aka grit). this matters because grit is more strongly linked to success than i.q., good looks, or physical health. children who are protected from failure by a parent who swoops in for the rescue to, say, hand deliver a late homework assignment or demand that a teacher change a poor grade, wind 7 8 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | o c t o b e r 2 0 1 8
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