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live / f a i t h m uch about the psychology of raising
children
is at best theory, and even then, it is often theory without rigorous research to back it up. if it sounds reasonable to a 40-year-old, it is assumed to be true for a four-year-old as well. but there is one thing that we know for sure:
children
require
unconditional
love
to mature in strong ways with the capacity to form and maintain loving relationships.
unconditional
love
is just that?
unconditional
. it doesn?t matter about school grades, performance on athletic teams, behavior at the dinner table, or attitude. i am convinced that
unconditional
love
is the power of
unconditional
love
in parenting the very reverend joe reynolds, interim rector of st. james episcopal church more difficult to deliver than we may think. it isn?t easy, and it isn?t automatic. we just cannot give it all the time, in all circumstances. ?e good news is, it doesn?t have to be perfect or constant. it just has to be good enough and often enough. it is
unconditional
love
that tells our
children
that we believe in them and trust them regardless of how successful they may be in any particular endeavor. it is
unconditional
love
that gives them reassurance that they are in a safe place, able to test their own limits, and explore their own feelings. it is
unconditional
love
that makes it possible for
children
to develop resilience and the courage to fall, get up, dust themselves off, and try again. our
children
need to hear that we
love
them ?no matter what.? ?ey need the physical contact and affirmation? such as hugs?that communicate
love
and the message that we want to be close to them. ?ey need for us to be clear about the difference between guilt and shame. guilt is the condition that exists when i have done something wrong. shame is the notion that i am a bad person because of it.
children
need correction and direction; we all do. shame is destructive. most of all,
unconditional
love
is communicated by the honest act of loving without limits. it isn?t a technique. it is simply what happens when we
love
.
children
know it when they see it. ? 50 brparents.com | march 2017
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