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in every issue the l ast word what
ikea
reveals about your
home
and marriage by kathryn streeter you and your husband go to
ikea
?s website with high expectations. you?re convinced that
ikea
will help bring beauty and order to your
home
. however, what you may not be aware of is that this very place could also prove to be the ultimate
home
wrecker. if you?re not worried, perhaps you should be.
home
is bigger than the stuff; it?s a projection of the relationship within. at its deepest level, building a
home
is enough work without the chaos of the infamous
ikea
. but after moving 23 times in 24 years of marriage, there has always been an
ikea
involved. we?ve spent many hours filling our shopping cart with items to help transform a house into a
home
.
home
is a big idea. and even with
ikea
exhibiting the conditions for a perfect storm, we?ve kept using their services. perhaps inviting the ruthless testing of our marriage gives me a sick thrill. how are we really doing? let?s find out by spending an entire day on
ikea
?s website looking at decorations!
ikea
functions as a merciless blunt tool to test the core of your
home
: your relationship with the man you love.
ikea
isn?t to be blamed, though. it merely serves as the agitator in bringing your hidden issues to light. failure to appreciate this in advance could leave you rattled as a couple because furnishing your
home
?which is the foundational reason you?re using
ikea
to begin with? is an extension of you. in order to not fall victim, communicate that, though you do like to nest as much as the average woman, this doesn?t let him off the hook. you absolutely need his involvement. a furnished
home
is a public expression of both of you, blended. with two identities under one roof,
home
represents a merger. sometimes this merger sings in harmony. we married young and broke and received victorian hand-me-downs from various relatives. we welcomed these furnishings with open arms until children, spit-up and exploding diapers came along. then we traded upholstery for leather. leather always cleans up well, and we were also unified in the abrupt stylistic change. it?s not always seamless. sometimes when i see the color red, my husband sees pink-red and that item is nixed. sometimes what i see as jazzy and dramatic, he sees as busy. he doesn?t want pink, busy furnishings waiting for him when he arrives
home
. this is why i will not shop without my husband. i enjoy him channeling his interior decorator. after all these years, i?ve found that he does have an opinion and can easily say what he?d rather have in our
home
when given choices. this matters because
home
tells a story. its plot centers on who you are inside as a couple. as a team, your
home
displays what you value. as you build your
home
, you are building a story about yourselves. it?s a sanctuary where safety, security and belonging are foundational. it?s deeply revealing, reflecting what you and the man you love care about most. at one point, we hosted a sometimes- rowdy reading group that met once a month. many times,
wine
glasses broke. it was more important that we carried on with our reading group than worry about broken
wine
glasses. evidence of good times, i?d tell myself late saturday nights. on the surface,
ikea
helped us keep the
wine
glasses a-coming. underneath, our sense of
home
was expanding because ultimately, we care about our friends, not our glassware. our answer was a robust supply of
wine
glasses from
ikea
. your man is adding to the
ikea
cart, growing more expensive by the minute. but more than his physical presence, you need him engaging mentally and emotionally. unless he hates it, you want him to affirm your preference. if you?re wallowing in indecision, he should show leadership by making the decision. he dare not say, either is fine with me. you want him to man up, name a winner and take you out of your misery. and when he flat-out disagrees, he?d better tell you. kindly. gently. it?s in your best interest, too. eventually, if he?s not keen on something, it will come out. instead of avoiding the discomfort in real time on
ikea
?s site, he?d better be prepared to address it. deftly maneuvering disagreements on the spot will encourage you to respond in kind. whatever happens, reward yourself with dinner that night. over a bottle of
wine
, you?ll be able to toast your survival and decompress. hopefully there will be laughter and good conversation about how you made it through.
home
-building isn?t for wimps, and
ikea
has demanded the very soul- searching you may have needed. don?t be ungrateful. with your arms around your love, say it. thanks,
ikea
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