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now that i?m a parent,
facebook
is work by malia jacobson i t used to be all funny memes and wedding pics. then,
parenting
quickly took over. on a recent family trip, i impulsively deleted my phone?s
facebook
app to free up space for photos. i planned to reinstall it later. but after a day or two, i realized that i was enjoying the break from the constant pull of handheld
social
media. i felt fully present and engaged with my kids, who seemed to like having mom?s undivided gaze, too. i decided to keep the app off my phone for a while longer. when we got home, i fired up
facebook
on my laptop to share a quick post about the trip. there, reality caught up with me as i stared down an avalanche of unread notifications from my kids? school, my
parenting
group, and my kids? after-school clubs. my messenger inbox swelled with queries about this week?s carpool schedule, a group halloween costume, a school sweatshirt order, and sleepover plans for my tween. as it turns out, my ?break? from
social
media was just a postponement of the
parenting
work that takes place there, all waiting for me?not so patiently, i might add.
facebook
is now a portal for the emotional labor of parenthood, and opting out is not an option. i?m not especially new to
facebook
or to parenthood. i hopped on the
social
media platform back when you needed a .edu email address to join, and my oldest child is nearing middle school. in the past five years, though, i?ve noticed a shift: as
facebook
beefs up its event management and group discussion capabilities, more and more
parenting
work is taking place there. for me, it?s crowding out everything else. my kids? school runs two
facebook
pages, and helpfully, posts all events and announcements there. each child?s class also has its own
facebook
page, and every after-school activity, from 4-h to ballet, regularly posts events and updates. step out of the constant information stream, and you?ll be that parent, the one who didn?t know that all second graders were supposed to wear orange today or that the annual school barbecue is cash only. ignorance isn?t bliss. it?s mayhem. of course, i do get the appeal of
social
media for schools and clubs. it?s easier to communicate with parents on a website they already use. and, i genuinely appreciate
facebook
?s immense power to connect people and share ideas.
social
media helps me share moments from my kids? lives with far-flung friends and family, and it lets me see their kids grow up, too. but since most of my time there is now spent on kid-logistics,
social
media is now much less about
social
izing or keeping up with my own friends and things i find interesting. these days, it is all business and a lot less pleasure for me. it used to be a fun break from work. now, it is work. i can?t help but notice, too, that
facebook
?s
parenting
workload seems to fall disproportionately to moms. my
parenting
circle includes dads who put in plenty of face time at school and playdates, but i can?t remember the last time one of them posted a
parenting
question, event, or announcement on
facebook
. my
parenting
partner is free to dip in and out of
facebook
as he pleases, only following news organizations and keeping up with friends. meanwhile, my
social
media time is spent trying to keep my head above water. try as i might, i don?t see a way around this. now,
facebook
is back on my phone, and i?m trying to marry my role as the family?s chief information officer with my kids? legitimate need for attention and my own need for some inner calm. so, dear
facebook
friends, please forgive me if i don?t ?like? your photos, ignore your event invite, or give you a blank stare when you mention your latest work promotion. i do want to see your baby photos and engagement announcements?really!?but my
social
media time is spent sorting out science fair questions, ballet buns, and school pickups. after that, i?m spent. if it seems like i?ve deserted
social
media, i haven?t. i?m just stuck in its parallel
parenting
universe. i miss you over on the other side, but if you?re a parent, chances are i?ll see you here soon enough. please bring wine. ? in every issue the l ast word 8 0 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | a p r i l 2 0 1 9
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