page-37.html
1118 NOVEMBER
38 / 88
h ave you heard? there?s a new ?
parent
? in town! introducing, the
lawnmower
parent
. in contrast to the emotionally supportive elephant
parent
or the overbearing tiger
parent
, the
lawnmower
parent
will go to any lengths to smooth the path in front of their
child
ren so that the
child
ren never have to experience anxiety, struggles, challenges, or adversity. if you?re a
lawnmower
parent
, you most likely have done the following: ? you ?help? with homework, or in other words, do most of it for your
child
. you may have done entire assignments for your
child
. ? you are the school?s top volunteer, but not out of the kindness of your heart. you want to have an ?in? with teachers and administration. ? you have been known to ?negotiate? your
child
?s grades and friend groups by selectively choosing who they play with outside of school. elisa h., a local mother whose name has been changed, shares that while at school, her daughter?s friend texted her because her daughter had forgotten her cell phone in the car. elisa responded to the text by immediately leaving work, driving to the school, and delivering the phone to her daughter.
lawnmower
parent
s don?t come from a bad place, some simply want to shelter their
child
ren from situations that were difficult for them when they were
child
ren. self-described
lawnmower
dad, robert m., shares that he ?mows? down his daughter?s obstacles because he had a tough
child
hood. his mother was emotionally cold and his dad was not in his life. ?i had no one to take any burden off of me. it was all on me and i was too little for that. i stumbled so much and i don?t want that for her. there will be plenty of opportunities for that in the future,? he shares. however, there is a downside to consistently running to your
child
?s rescue. patti dowling, a therapist at baton rouge counseling associates, explains, ?in the short term, kids may feel relief when a
parent
clears obstacles that would otherwise produce negative consequences, but long-term growth suffers by taking away opportunities for that growth. discomfort from consequences is often the catalyst for change in behavior. if a
child
gets a bad grade on a test and the
parent
goes to bat for them with the teacher, the
child
loses the opportunity to learn how to negotiate and communicate with the teacher. additionally, the
parent
inadvertently sends the message that the
child
can?t take care of his own situations, thus fostering dependence and stunting the development of self-efficacy. self- efficacy involves what we think about our own ability to perform and is related to our experiences. when there is a pattern of
parent
ing this way, kids may end up down the road in college, for example, ill-equipped to handle their own business which could lead to anxiety, low distress tolerance, and depression.? long-term consequences of
lawnmower
parent
ing can include unhealthy coping skills such as shutting down in the face of emotional strain, are you a
lawnmower
parent
? by jannean dixon, m.ed. ? ? ? 3 8 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | n o v e m b e r 2 0 1 8
page-39.html
