page-57.html
0918 SEPTEMBER
58 / 76
parents who parent together by dr. roger butner, lmft w hen it comes to
parenting
advice, there are enough competing opinions and voices out there to make your head spin. but what if those differing
parenting
perspectives are right in your own home? what are you supposed to do when you and your
spouse
disagree about how to handle
parenting
decisions
? for the sake of your relationship, and for the benefit of your kids, you can find peaceful, mutually respectful ways to cooperate and parent from a united front. here are some practical suggestions to help you do just that: 1. read
parenting
books, listen to
parenting
podcasts, or attend
parenting
classes together. this can help you stay on the same page, minimizing the occurrence of major differences regarding
parenting
dynamics. it can also provide some great ideas for resolving those differences whenever they do arise. the resources at screamfree.com and loveandlogic.com are helpful, and you can often find
parenting
classes or workshops at your church or child?s school. 2. discuss
parenting
goals before deciding solutions. when we discuss something as important to us as
decisions
about our kids, we tend to jump right into solutions. ?let?s do bedtime this way!? ?this is the best school option!? ?here?s how social media is going to be monitored!? before we start hammering out final
decisions
regarding the many important issues along the way of our children?s lives, we should begin with the end in mind. what is the big picture, and what is the point? for instance, what is our goal regarding this issue? what do we want our child or teen to learn as a result? is this issue more about child development or our marriage? these are the questions that will help us be sure our solutions are purposeful. the more we are aiming to parent with purpose, the more likely we are to come to an agreement and parent like true partners. 3. agree to hold off on making major
decisions
and punishments until they can be privately discussed together. the old ?good cop, bad cop? routine may work in some places, but it is a disaster for
parenting
. don?t undercut one another by making the big calls without first having discussed it privately. if the circumstances demand an immediate decision, and a direct discussion is not possible, consider how your
spouse
would respond to this situation, and, give genuine weight to that perspective, even if you disagree. 4. plan for new
decisions
to have a trial period with a discussion to follow at a set time. you are less likely to feel frustration or resentment about your
spouse
and the
parenting
choices made if you know it isn?t a forever decision and will be re-evaluated together. depending on the issue, plan to have a follow-up discussion in a week, a month, or a quarter. if you agree things are going well, great! keep it going, and be a big enough person to acknowledge when your
spouse
?s differing ideas are working 5 8 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | s e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 8
kids-spouse-professional-59.html
