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0518 MAY
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to
date
or not to date? when is your child
ready? by joy holden a ccording to the american academy of pediatrics, children, on average, are now beginning to date at 12 ½ for girls and 13 ½ for boys. how we define dating
, however, could change these averages. the recent trend among early adolescents is for boys and girls to spend time together in groups. what do you do if your 12-year-old daughter tells you she has a boyfriend? freak out? forbid it? on the other hand, you may have a shy 15-year-old boy who is quietly showing an interest in a girl. do you prod him along? encourage him to ask her out? when is the right time to start dating, and then how do you handle it? what even is dating anymore? from meetups at the movies to snapchatting until midnight, dating has taken on different forms. it could be possible that your child is facetiming an interest without your knowledge and that interaction meets their definition of ?dating.? how can you know what to look for when you don?t even have the same understanding of dating? ?when discussing teen dating, it?s important to know what your teen actually means by dating. apparently, there are lots of different words for this vague thing called ?dating,? and the words have special meaning,? says dr. donna fargason. ?teens that i know of don?t even use the word dating. they o?en say ?talking? or ?hanging out,? and even these terms can be person or relationship specific.? if you?re noticing your child mention terms like this, take a moment to clarify the situation. dr. fargason suggests, ?if your child/teen is talking about wanting to date or you see evidence that it?s happening or about to, talk to your teen. ask the status of their relationship with said person and ask them exactly what that means.? clarity and communication will prevent misunderstandings. dr. roger butner encourages conversation with your children, ?parents should be periodically asking and checking in with their child regarding his friend group and who he is interested in.? when is it the right time? once you and your child are on the same page regarding what it means to date, you then have to ask if he is ready. dr. fargason shares, ?kids start flirty texting and ?talking? at various ages and levels of maturity, so i don?t think there?s a magical age for the right age to date. the reality is that kids are curious and will go at their own pace. be aware of what that pace is. be in tune.? you know your kids better than anyone else, and their maturity matters when it comes to spending time with someone they like ?more than friends.? dr. butner has a more stringent opinion on dating age: ?my suggestion overall is parents should be very cautious for a tween to be involved in dating. developmentally, 10-12 year olds do not have the maturity to navigate a real relationship. social media allows them to possibly be connected 24/7 if allowed, which puts too much pressure on them. if parents are around supervising, i still say wait until about 14 years old. generally, kids are naturally interested around 13-14. by this point, you should have already begun a series of healthy conversations.? you may be looking at your middle schooler with fear in your eyes. what is she thinking? open up the dialogue. no matter what you are feeling, approach your child with an open mind and heart. ?the worst thing to do is come out hard and strong against something without trying to talk neutrally first. if 5 4 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | m a y 2 0 1 8
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