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0218 FEBRUARY
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the sandwich generation: caring for your
parents
and your
children
by lauren labbé meher i f you?re a parent between the ages of 35-54, there?s a good chance you?re caring for more than just your
children
. it?s estimated that 25 percent of adults with
children
are also responsible for elder care. dubbed the ?sandwich generation,?
parents
are feeling the squeeze on both sides, one hand holding their child's tiny hand, the other holding the hand that guided them through their childhood. according to the bureau of labor and statistics, from 1900- 2000, the life expectancy in the united states increased from 47 to 76 years. combine that with today?s recent trends of couples starting families in their mid-to-late thirties, and the pressure increases for this generation as they struggle to balance the emotional, physical, and o?en financial impact on their own families. caring for your
family
on both ends of the age spectrum can be emotionally and physically draining. if you?re feeling the pinch, here are ways to put some balance back into your helping hands. keep the lines of communication open. first and foremost, it is easiest to help aging
family
members if there is a plan in place long before there is a need for one. have honest conversations with your
parents
about what they want and their plans for the future should they need assistance. social worker sherry smelley?s experience with this comes not only from a professional space, but also from a personal one in caring for her own aging
parents
. while raising four
children
ages 12-20, smelley faced the declining health of both of her
parents
. ?my
parents
and i talked a lot about aging and what it could mean for us both. we discussed all the possibilities at length so as the days darkened, i was able to imagine how they would have responded if they were healthy. and i knew they were appreciative and loved every effort and kindness.? stay organized. baton rouge mom amy foreman handles multiple generations, caring for her mother and grandfather while raising her own
family
. amy suggests, ?find systems that work for you and your
family
that will help you stay organized. write everything down.? for example, amy utilizes today?s latest technologies by color coding doctor appointments for each
family
member in her phone's calendar, and setting up notifications from the pharmacy on both her phone and her mother?s phone. don?t bear the burden alone. too o?en caregivers slip into the ?martyr? role and try to carry the load for everyone. although you might feel like there is no time for anything, take some time to research your options for professional care. look into respite care or long-term care if necessary. in addition to professional help, be open-minded when others offer to help. smelley says, ?too o?en we just politely dismiss offers of help from friends, but don?t be afraid to say yes!? involve the
family
. social worker robin marrero says, ?although women sometimes automatically take the caretaking lead, don?t just ?assume the role? on your own. ask
family
members to share the load, they are o?en quite willing to do so.? in addition to reaching out to siblings, also consider appropriate ways in which you might include your own
children
in helping with caregiving. marrero says, ?it?s actually good for
children
to see the cycles of life and what happens to our bodies when we age. it teaches them the importance of taking care of ourselves, and eventually, taking care of others.? keep in mind that with some ailments of the elderly such as alzheimer?s and 5 6 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | f e b r u a r y 2 0 1 8
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