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achieve this by stopping their
tears
. but actually, what we do when we distract or stop
tears
is interrupt our
children
?s natural healing process. that means that a child stops crying, but they haven?t fully processed their upset, which means it may come out again later, either through another tantrum, or indirectly through behavior. this impulse to try and stop and avoid
tears
is based on our
own
experience of not having our
own
emotions heard. it is something that almost all of us, (including me) have done at some point. it?s what we learned in our childhood, when we were told things like, ??don?t cry, or i?ll give you something to cry about.?? it can be hard to handle our
children
?s emotions when our
own
big feelings weren?t met with compassion. my
own
confusion around crying led me to train to be a hand in hand parenting instructor. i support parents to ?staylisten? to their
children
?s
tears
. staylistening is the act of simply staying close when our toddlers cry or tantrum, and listening, and empathizing, without having a hidden agenda, to try and stop them from expressing themselves. it?s tough and challenging. one of the biggest parts of the job i do is help parents deal with their
own
childhood ?stuff? which gets in the way of seeing tantrums in a positive light. listening to tantrums isn?t just about helping toddlers to naturally regulate their emotions to feel good. it?s about helping them with their behavior, too. behind sharing struggles, aggression, whining, and other ?off-track? forms of behavior, there are almost always emotions that your toddler is trying to process. when we listen to
tears
, we allow
children
to express how they?re feeling, so those emotions don?t come out indirectly through their behavior. one day when i went back to babysit for tom with my new knowledge about the healing power of
tears
, he was recovering from the flu, and got very frustrated with some lego he was building. it was technical legos for ages seven and above, and he had come to a part of the instructions that he didn?t understand. i tried to help him, but i was confused, too. he started to cry and tantrum, and that?s when i remembered the art of staylistening. i tried to stay present in the moment, letting go of my anxiety about not being able to fix the situation. then something amazing happened. when the tantrum finished, he sat d
own
and finished the legos. this is what letting go of hurt and frustration does to the brain?it clears out
children
?s minds so that they can think more clearly, can grow in confidence and go out into the world, feeling lighter, and more able to enjoy life, and take on its challenges. so, next time your toddler tantrums, try listening the whole way through, and watch him or her emerge into a brighter day. ? j a n u a r y 2 0 1 8 | b r p a r e n t s . c o m 1 0 1
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