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and they are unknowingly gauging safety, internalizing how to speak to those they
love
, and how to handle conflict. so, when you have an inevitable disagreement, tiff, discussion, argument, fight, or whatever you want to call it with your spouse, be mindful of your environment and the little ears that could be listening. knowing this, you can model to your
children
how to find common ground even though there seems to be two completely opposing views. you can show them how to respect the views of another while also sharing their own point of view. you can show them the power of humility and how to healthily put
someone
else?s feelings and viewpoints ahead of their own for the common good of the family and the relationship. ?rough 10 years of marriage and two
children
, my wife and i have found that disagreements are an inevitable part of any relationship. but it?s how you handle them that strengthens the relationship and teaches your
children
how to approach conflict. often times, through our disagreements, we show our
children
what it means to
love
. modeling
love
i think one of the most challenging aspects of life is to truly
love
someone
else. it can be a scary and risky endeavor to selflessly
love
someone
and allow them to
love
you. we all know
love
is more than an emotion or feeling. it is also a way of relating to
someone
else. ?rough our marriage, our kids will be able to learn about what truly loving
someone
looks like. who else is in a better position to teach your kids how to
love
in a relationship? i certainly hope it is not the cw or freeform. fortunately, your marriage holds more weight in your kids? minds than the twisted model of
love
they see in the media. ?ey notice when you put your spouse?s needs ahead of your own. ?ey pick up on how to securely and lovingly engage in disagreements without fear that the relationship is in jeopardy. ?ey learn how to talk about what really matters and to care for
someone
?s feelings and to hear
someone
?s heart. ?ey understand what it looks like to put a spouse first, even when it is hard, because they have seen it modeled for them time and time again. by watching your marriage, your
children
will learn that loving
someone
is an active thing. your marriage can instill in them that
love
is a choice, not something that just happens. it?s not enough for you to just show
love
to your kids because this is often very one directional. you have to show them what it looks like to have two people healthily
love
, care for, and support each other in a marriage dynamic as well. putting it into practice as you attempt to actively
love
your spouse in your marriage, you can also bring your
children
into this process. i remember the first time my oldest son brought my wife a flower from the backyard. i told him, ?mom had a hard day today, and i think a flower would really cheer her up. do you want to bring her one?? my son?s eyes lit up like he just discovered a secret. he picked her a flower and was thrilled with her reaction. ?at day, he learned that he had the power to ?make mom happy.? essentially, he was beginning to understand that he had the power to affect
someone
?s emotions in a positive way. sure, he?s watched me bring flowers home before, but this was different. i let him experience what it was like to show
love
to
someone
in a tangible way. he saw that a simple flower from the garden made his mom feel appreciated. when you do things for your spouse, your kids will remember. when you say things about your spouse, they will remember. ?ey will eat up any insights you give them into your relationship. as parents, we constantly help guide our
children
in their emotions, actions, and development. let?s not forget to use our marriages as an important tool to help shape our
children
?s idea of
love
, communication, safety, and value. ? n o v e m b e r 2 0 1 7 | b r p a r e n t s . c o m 3 9
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