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your dreams onto your
child
sometimes without even realizing it. as hard as it can be, wilson says, ?we must separate our
child
ren?s dreams from our own. putting effort into forcing your
child
ren to fulfill your dreams can really obstruct their personal development and identity formation.? it may also be that the lines between your identity and your
child
?s have become blurred. be sure you are developing healthy boundaries between your
child
?s identity and your own. lcsw brittany relle suggests, ?ask yourself if any part of you is disappointed because of how your
child
?s ?
quit
ting? will impact you. are you concerned that you will lose your own socialization group or identity? additionally, maybe you are concerned that your identity will change?that you will no longer be ?the great dancer?s mom.?? are you really listening? if your
child
comes to you and says she wants to
quit
, have you really listened to her argument, or are you already coming up with a rebuttal in your mind about why she shouldn?t
quit
? wilson says, ??e most profound gift we can give
child
ren is to listen to them deeply.? ?is includes giving your
child
your undivided attention, asking open-ended questions like ?what do you think about that?? or ?how long has this been on your mind?? acknowledge that you understand her thoughts on the subject. really listen to what your
child
has to say, and her level of thought on the subject might surprise you. are you keeping it fun? as parents, we want our
child
ren to succeed and be the best they can possibly be, and it?s important to nurture areas where you might see your
child
excelling, but it?s a fine line between pushing to succeed and pushing your
child
away. collegiate competitive golfer julia johnson attributes her strong work ethic to her early years of training with her father, which began at age three. but in eighth grade, julia made the decision to
quit
the sport that she once loved because of pressures from an overbearing parent. she says, ?i don?t think i?d be the golfer i am today without the base my father gave me at a young age, but he was very involved, and not in a good way. he pushed me over that cliff, leading me to leave a sport that i once loved. it was a real wake up call for my family.? julia took a nine month break from her sport, and when she returned, it was on her terms. at that point, she felt mature enough to make her own decisions at a higher level of competition. is it still positive? when you?re listening to your
child
?s reasoning for why they want to
quit
, analyze whether the activity is still having a positive impact on your
child
?s
life
. relle recalls a client who was so involved in club soccer that she was missing out on family time and social activities like dances and high school football games. additionally, she was too exhausted in the evening to complete all of her homework and study effectively for tests. ?is caused her grades to drop significantly. together, the family discovered that soccer had served its purpose in elementary school, junior high, and early high school, but this was no longer the case. ?is activity, which she initially joined in an effort to positively impact her
life
, was now actually adding a significant amount of stress to this
child
?s
life
. remember, you are helping her weigh the pros and cons, and if the activity is no longer having a positive impact on her
life
, it might be time to let it let go. is it a phase? sometimes your
child
?s wanting to
quit
is just a temporary phase. wilson says, ?give it time. all kids have bad days and want to
quit
. decisions about
quit
ting should never be made on impulse.? before your
child
makes a hasty decision, help her evaluate some of the components that might make her feel like she wants to
quit
before it is time. does your
child
just need a change of environment within the activity? is a coach or teacher putting unnecessary pressure on your
child
? is your
child
?burned out? by an unrealistic schedule? sometimes minor changes can help to bring the ?fun? back to the activity, and this is one way you can help your
child
by assessing these areas. is it about you? if the decision to
quit
is causing you more stress than your
child
, you should take a long look in the mirror. ?it?s common for parents to question about all of the ?waste of time, energy, and finances? spent on the activity. you might even struggle with the feeling that their choice to
quit
is a reflection of you, or that you?ve failed as a parent. instead, try to focus your attention on your
child
and shaping your
child
?s heart,? wilson says. try to remember it?s not about you. focus on helping your
child
find new ways to embrace her passions. is it a positive transition? keep in mind, that ?
quit
ting? may actually be transitioning into the next phase of your
child
?s
life
. just as adults make the decision to change careers, this might just be a transition in your
child
?s
life
to something better suited for them. focus on the positives. all is not lost because your
child
no longer plays a particular sport or participates in a certain fine art. remind yourself that she is growing and developing, shedding the things in her
life
that no longer fit. and remind her that the lessons she learned along the way become a part of the fabric of who she is. being a dancer for example, is just one part of who she is, and no one activity ultimately defines a
child
, just as your career does not ultimately define you. reassure your
child
that she isn?t necessarily giving up on her dreams, but perhaps in the process of finding new ones for herself. ? s e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 7 | b r p a r e n t s . c o m 2 5
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