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perfect
for present by joy holden raise your hand if you ever feel like you need to have the home of joanna gaines, the compassion of mother ?eresa, the success of oprah, the style of kate middleton, the humor of amy poehler, and the body of sofia vergara. impossible to do, right? well, no matter how silly the above list seems, we often put those unrealistic expectations on our shoulders. now, raise your hand if you want your son or daughter to be perfect as well. on top of our own delusions of perfection, we pile on our expectations for our child
ren. we want them to be fun but quiet, smart but silly, bold but polite, kind but strong. and we expect this perfection at around toddler age, which is even crazier than our perfect woman list. striving to be perfect or have perfect children does not lead to joyful living. on the contrary, it leads to a life of control, comparison, and scarcity. every error is in high definition when you are caught in the web of perfectionism
. we spend time on social media comparing our real lives to other people?s highlight reels, and we continue until our reality is no longer even good enough. perfectionism is not only trying to do everything right, but includes striving to avoid negatives instead of savoring the positives. perfection doesn?t exist, not for our children and not for us. you can?t be perfect ?i remember when my first child was born it was my job to make sure he turned out okay. ?at if i did everything ? just right,? he would. ?e trap of perfectionism says that there is such a thing as ? just right.? ?is belief will lead to serious disappointment. especially when we define our own value by how perfectly we parent,? nicole green, local life coach, says. too often parents believe that everything they do determines their child ?s future, when the truth is a bit more complicated. taking ownership of your child ?s development and health are positive things, but when you are defined by this role, then you tread into perfectionist waters. allison schoonmaker, counselor at spring life counseling, llc in baton rouge, shares, ?i see perfectionism when the focus shifts from your own personal health to ?my kids depict my health and success.? perfectionism is an identity issue, and perfectionism in parenting is no different. ?e false sense that ?i am only as good as other?s perceptions of me? is just a lot of pressure to put on any human, small or fully grown.? ?e consequence of perfectionism you cannot be perfect, so the inevitable result of your striving is disappointment. a mother burdened by perfectionism will see every fault in herself and her child magnified, which results in blame and shame. schoonmaker explains, ?no one likes to feel like a failure. anxiety, irritability, anger, and/or depression can all be closely associated with the sense of ?not being good enough? that perfectionism brings. nobody should feel like they have to hustle for their value. ?at?s not really a space we as parents want to live in ourselves, let alone a space we want to invite our kids into.? we want our children to be raised in healthy spaces, not ones in which they feel they have to work for love. green adds, ?perfectionism is completely unhealthy. if unhealthy actions are sown, unhealthy results will follow. a perfectionist parent cannot expect health in any of these areas. i know that sounds harsh, but take it from someone that tried good enough: 5 6 b r p a r e n t s . c o m | a u g u s t 2 0 1 7
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