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?another gap in people?s understanding is the fundamental role
consent
plays in an interaction being healthy or harmful. if both people
consent
, it is more likely that the interaction will contribute to their self-esteem, self-worth, and their understanding that they deserve to be treated with respect. when
consent
is not present, it is disempowering, and it reduces self-esteem. it is the line between what is healthy or harmful or even traumatic,?
rebecca
shares. when do you teach
consent
? your first response to this may be, ?but my kids are five and seven, i?m not ready to talk to them about sex.? understandable. but
consent
does not have to be related to sex in order to be understood.
rebecca
adds, ?when people hear the word
consent
, it is often associated with sex. sometimes we forget that
consent
can and should be present in all types of interactions. so, i think from a very young age, parents can talk to their
children
about the concept of
consent
as it relates to those boundaries.? kirsten raby, the capital area regional director of star and a mother of two boys, agrees with
rebecca
that parents can start educating their
children
about
consent
at a young age. ?even at three or four, they have to understand that it?s their body and their personal space.? if the idea is still daunting, there are some simple ways to get started. how to teach
consent
start small with what you have and be consistent.
rebecca
advises supervising playtime and getting involved, ?even in the sharing of toys or taking someone?s toys, ask ?does this person agree to that??? ?en, shift the conversation into the importance of asking permission and respecting the other child?s answer. another way to redirect your
children
is to reframe social interactions as ?part of my happiness is your happiness. part of me wanting to do this with you is also you wanting to do this with me,?
rebecca
shares. explain to your child that games and toys are more fun when both people want to be involved. ?e really important question to ask is, ?does this person want this?? teaching
children
and teens about recognizing and respecting others? choices is a small way to consistently value
consent
. how many times have you heard a family member tell a child to give them a kiss or a hug when the child doesn?t want to show affection? kirsten says that by ?giving your kids the power to say, ??is is my body and i can say no? promotes the knowledge that they can say no in any situation.? by giving them the power to tell adults no when it comes to their bodies, you are confirming that they have ownership over their bodies. one way to teach
consent
is by ?making sure they understand personal space and respecting other people?s space and property. even with my eight year old, i talk about yes and no and personal space. no means no in every situation,? kirsten shares. with her two sons, she is constantly stressing that they respect one another?s space. finally, open communication is the key to valuing
consent
with your
children
. kirsten explains, ?start early so that when they are teens and tweens, they?ll still feel okay to come to you with the hard stuff.? for older
children
in their teens, watching and discussing shows with them can open doors. kirsten does this with her 14-year-old son and takes the time to address difficult topics with him. ?we just get the moment to be honest and talk about speaking up, the bystander situation, how you can change a person?s life just by being an ally to them. i?ve talked to him about
consent
, but for him to see something happen and to see the effects, it helped to bring it home for him.? understanding
consent
can happen at all ages. ?by teaching
children
about
consent
in a variety of situations, they will be more easily able to apply that to sexual interactions and personal boundaries,?
rebecca
confirms. who should learn about
consent
? everyone. both boys and girls should learn from a young age about
consent
.
rebecca
explains, ?generally, there are benefits to everyone because we are all human beings who need to be able to engage in healthy relationships to thrive.? traditionally, girls have been taught to protect themselves and to make good decisions.
consent
needs to go both ways, though. although boys and girls may be socialized differently and respond to situations differently, a broad understanding of
consent
can only enhance the health of the community. ?i think we have this idea in our society that men are always perpetrators and women are always victims, and so that drives our messages to boys and girls. but the reality is much more complicated. men do experience high rates of sexual violence, and we don?t hear about that. part of the reason we don?t hear about that is we are not teaching men and boys about
consent
and boundaries for themselves as well,?
rebecca
emphasizes. june 2017 | brparents.com 49
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