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warning signs of stress and burnout look for these signs of overload. if your
child
dreads going to an
activity
or practice, this should raise an immediate red flag. talk with your
child
about how she?s doing. does she wish she had more time hanging out around the house or free afternoons to bring a friend home from school? ask open- ended questions to allow her to vent. how to respond how do you respond when your
child
announces, ?i quit!? two practices into a sport? what do you do when your
child
declares: ?i hate flute and i?m never going back!? of course, this is often the same
activity
she begged you to sign her up for in the first place. you will likely find yourself wondering more than once during the course of your
child
?s growth years how you should handle such an announcement. sometimes, it?s worth waiting to see if the complaining is just the result of a bad day, a bad mood, or a bout of exhaustion. evaluate whether there are intermediate steps to quitting. could your
child
miss one of the two practices a week and still play on the team or switch from an elite team to a recre- ational one? your
child
?s desire to quit can be frustrating for you as well given all the time, money, and emotional investment you
make
in her activities. blowing off flute or ballet after years of lessons no longer becomes a casual decision. sometimes, you can address your
child
?s frustration and quickly resolve it, while at other times moving on to something else
make
s the most sense. you may want your
child
to stick out the
activity
because she made a commitment. your difficult job is to help your
child
ascertain when quitting
make
s sense and when it doesn?t. encouraging your
child
to stick with it a while longer quitting teaches your
child
instant gratification as opposed to working hard at something that has a deeper, lasting satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. it also promotes a philosophy of jumping from one thing to the next the minute something doesn?t
make
her feel good, which can be an unhealthy pattern if carried into adulthood. while you should take her feelings seriously,
make
it a basic family rule that your
child
should ?stick it out? unless her physical or emotional well-being is at stake. your
child
must then put thought into the signup process, understanding that she must honor her commitments, especially to a team who is depending on her. take into consideration your
child
?s age. if your elementary school
child
is trying out team sports for the first time, the experience will be new to her. however, as your
child
gets older, you should be more adamant about her seeing a commitment through, except under extreme circumstances. when your talented
child
wants to quit you may feel particularly angry, disappointed, and frustrated if your
child
has exceptional talents in a particular
activity
and still wants to walk away. clearly, she has the skills, but perhaps feels too much pressure. listen to what your
child
says and how she feels, and teach her to
make
well thought-out decisions. ?is process will give her the invaluable gift of life skills. times when calling it quits
make
s sense although it is important to encourage your
child
?s interests, don?t force a passion. in letting your
child
make
her own decisions, you are acknowledging that passions sometimes wane. give your
child
the right to quit when she has taken it as far as she wants. if your
child
is miserable, she may well be justified in washing her hands of a particular endeavor. in fact, she may be following a strong intuition that the situation is wrong for her. her health and emotional well-being should come first and foremost, and she may be the best judge of this. if you?ve tried everything and your
child
still moans and groans before every lesson or practice, then it?s time to back off. let her stop the
activity
so her frustration doesn?t become generalized to hating all activities. the process of quitting itself once the final decision has been made, support your
child
?s choice. tell your
child
, ?okay, we support you.? at this point, wholeheartedly supporting your
child
?s decisions is important for her feelings of self-worth. talk about quitting in terms of taking a hiatus. tell your
child
, ?it sounds like you need a break.? emphasize that this is not a permanent decision. leave your
child
the option to take the
activity
up again later. take your
child
with you to tell her coach/teacher that she has decided to leave the
activity
and her reasons, which will provide your
child
with closure. why unstructured play is so important while your
child
might have a number of after-school activities, she also needs time to relax at home. your
child
needs some downtime to play with friends and siblings, and to participate in family activities. she may be interested in music, dance, gymnastics, or another sport, but she doesn?t need to do all of them at the same time. advocate a little boredom for your
child
.
child
hood is for exploring and discovery, so free time provides your
child
with those opportunities to follow whatever captures her interest in the moment. play is not a matter of doing something for positive feedback or measurable achievement, but for the sheer joy of being immersed in fun. downtime is not wasted time. our culture sends parents a message that unstructured leisure is a waste of time. play is not a frivolous
activity
, and it actually can be key in developing character and intelligence. ? march 2017 | brparents.com 79
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