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0117 JANUARY
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parents need
friends
, too different-age children
friends baton rouge mom kathy guidry shares that it?s significantly harder when your friends have children who are at a completely different age. for example, if they have children much older, your children are rarely interested in the same activities, and houses with older children will have nothing for younger kids
to do. on the flipside, when parents of younger kids visit families with older children there is the ?helicopter tendency? for parents to roam through the house closely watching their children to make sure they don?t get into everything. kathy says, ?i think any friendship that is important to you can be maintained, and in situations like this, with an open mind, you can actually learn from your friend?s experiences, no matter what the distance in age.? friends without kids o?connor says that although it might be most challenging to maintain your friendships with your friends that do not have children, these also might be the most important relationships to cultivate. ?new parents need support from other parents, but friends without children can be helpful as they remind new parents of their lives and identities pre-baby. your role as a mom or dad is an important one, but keeping your other roles in life as friend, sister, daughter, or co-worker are important as well in helping you stay balanced.? jane admits this is a challenge. how do you relate to your friend who is jetting off to a weekend in new york, when your world revolves around diapers, car seats, and sippy cups? ?ese relationships can only happen if both parties want it to. your jet-setting friends must be willing to experience your real life?in all its glory? with your wild children running around, and parents must be willing to shift their focus from baby-talk to the other activities and interests that connected you to your friends in the first place. schedule adult time ?e best way to maintain your friendships with other couples should include carving out time just for adults. yes, it?s a glorious thing to have friends that don?t mind coming over on weekends with their kids for wine and grilled cheese, but getting out of the house and out of ?parent mode? can be a valuable way to stay balanced. it?s nice to be able to slow things down, not have to talk over the kids, and be able to have adult conversations. jane shares, ?of course, it may be a little tight on the budget to have a date night with paying a sitter and going out to eat, but it?s worth it to take a break and have fun.? we all need a break, and after taking some time to tend to the grown-up side of yourself, you come back refreshed and ready to handle whatever parenthood might throw at you. behavioral scientist, dr. steve maraboli, says, ?as i get older, i am becoming more selective of who i consider a friend and find that i would rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies.? as a new parent, there is value in having a few close friends. take a panoramic view of your new life with kids; keeping your friends in the picture definitely makes it more colorful. ? ?take a panoramic view of your new life with kids; keeping your friends in the picture definitely makes it more colorful.? january 2017 | brparents.com 33
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