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46 brparents.com | january 2016 how to not raise a mean kid 1 teach your
children
it?s okay to feel a variety of emotions. you may not be aware, but you are al- ready leading by example. how? ?e way you handle your own emotions on a daily basis. look for teachable moments. ask your child to put herself in someone else?s shoes. for instance, ?how would you feel if you were your brother right now?? be on the lookout for moments where there are feelings of happiness, sadness, or even anger. dr. ?ompson davis iii, ph.d., associ- ate professor and director of the psycho- logical services center at louisiana state university, says, ?parents show their
children
through modeling such as when it is healthy to have emotional responses. parents should strive to be a great exam- ple of how to handle each emotion.? bullying is still alive and well despite all the zero tolerance policies of schools and the well- intentioned lessons in storybooks, movies, and at home. not only has it not gone away, it?s taken on new forms from the classic teasing in the classroom to the faceless yet insidious presence in social media. as parents, of course we fear our child may be on the receiving end. but many of us are now asking, ?is my child the instigator?? we strive to raise our
children
to be well- rounded individuals. we encourage them to be kind to others and to have compassion. but, how can we be sure that we are raising
children
that are kind and not mean? knowing the difference between sympathy and empathy is the starting point of raising a ?
nice
kid.? sympathy is feeling pity or sorrow for someone else?s misfortune. empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. we want our
children
to be a step further from feeling just sympathy. we want them to be able to look at any situation and say, ?i can put myself in your position.? ultimately, this is the essence of raising a
nice
kid. 2 emulate what
caring
looks like by being a
caring
parent. it is one thing to say, ??at?s not
nice
,? or ?be
nice
,? but it?s another to show them how to be
nice
. a chinese proverb says, ?tell me and i?ll forget; show me and i?ll remember; involve me and i?ll understand.? dr. davis emphasizes, ?if you don?t want to raise the ?mean kid,? it starts from the get-go. parents should be
caring
, involved, warm, responsive, but not overly permissive.
caring
is key. by being a
caring
parent, you are directly showing them how to care by your example.? here are five strategies for raising empathetic, thoughtful
children
: by lauren labbé meher
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