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modern families live busy lives? learning how to balance the
needs
of all of your
children
can be a struggle. but what happens when one of those
children
has exceptional
needs
? and how should parents respond when their other
children
begin acting out because their sibling is getting what they see as ?more attention?? baton rouge mom haley s. has experi- ence with this situation. her son jacob is on the autism spectrum. jacob enjoys trips to the park and playing games just like other kids, but some- times his mom finds his two sisters, allie and avery, vying for attention. prioritize ?it?s natural for
children
to feel jealous, as they haven?t yet learned more so- phisticated coping skills,? says rhonda browning, psychiatric nurse practitio- ner with
family
focus & associates. for haley, balancing the
needs
of jacob and his two sisters is done through prioritiz- ing. while each child thinks their
needs
take precedence, it?s the grown up?s job to find a balance based on whose
needs
are the most urgent. be proactive not reactive browning suggests posting the rules of the house where everyone can see. ?is should include chores as well as what behavior is and isn?t acceptable. ?is sets the ground- work for a structured home and helps a
family
be proactive. it also decreases chaos in everyday home routines and what can feel like nagging to
children
. browning says, ??e requirements of these rules may vary a bit depending on age and level of functioning in the child with exceptional
needs
.? after creating rules for her own home, browning found that, ?when the house and
family
func- tion efficiently, more time is available to spend with those
children
that may have felt slighted.? another method is to have each child cre- ate a wish list. ?e wish list will help par- ents see what each child
needs
or wants individually. items listed can be simple from going on a picnic to something more long term, such as going on a vacation. encourage open communication luckily, haley?s girls tend to go with the flow, but occasionally they vie for their parents? attention by speaking loudly, live / e x c e p t i o n a l l i v e s by katie kingman it?s natural for
children
to feel jealous, as they haven?t yet learned more sophisticated coping skills. wedging between mom and dad, or re- peating questions until they have a re- sponse. for these reasons, communi- cation is key in haley?s
family
. if jacob
needs
a little more time than his sis- ters, it?s explained to the girls. dr. gloria gilbert, a child and adoles- cent psychologist, says, ?be sure that parents validate any feelings of jealou- sy they may see, rather than argue or defend their behavior. spending one- on-one time and playing with each child, even for 15 minutes each day, will reinforce a parent?s love.? when it comes to the siblings playing together, haley encourages her daugh- ters to play jacob?s favorite games with him, like reenacting scenes from movies or playing bingo, though sometimes the girls may still need a little extra push. ask for help reach out to
family
members, parent- ing groups, or a
family
counselor, and don?t be afraid to ask for help. all fam- ilies need support from time to time, and it can help create a happy home for parents and
children
alike. ? a tale of siblings 52 brparents.com | june 2016
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